MY BEAUTIFUL INCUBUS

I swear this,
be like a spell.
I can’t even tell,
how you lull me in to a state of unawareness.
Your words woven so well.

Seamless and ceaseless
like the continuity only found on the finest of tapestries. My heart hurts so wonderful as I hear you speak and witness you verbally weaving a
brilliant masterpiece.

Dare I be so bold as to say on my behalf?
I would be blessed to be half as blessed as the
words that drip from your honey soaked lips
make me and so many others I’m sure, lose their breath.

Though I struggle against the seduction you provoke within the secret places that my heart hides. Sanctuary shall be I. As I become the bastion your soul needs and you become the healing that I need, deep inside.

How is it that you make the tides swell so strong within my being that I become lost within my own profundity? This level of emotional consciousness is new to me. 

I honestly never thought I would find someone who could respect me so dutifully, let alone someone that suited me. I suspect you do not entirely know what it is, that you do to me.

I swear this,
be like a spell.
I can’t even tell
how you lull me in to a state of unawareness.
Your words woven so well.

My heart aches with each loving glance as if you
remove firmly rooted pain with your eyes.
Tears spring and leap out of mine, like living poison fleeing the very body it was sworn to hurt. They fall to the ground and disappear in to the thirsty earth.

Your whispers make me surrender and I give all of me to you. My gentle conqueror. I never new passion could be so clean.

I thought my love, my ache to be loved and seen was obscene so, I warred as a warrior when all I really wanted to be was somebody's Queen.

You devour all that is sour from my heart and soul. With your smile, your voice, your affection and passionate kisses that are both forceful and rough, yet gentle and moist. 

Damn, this tear soaked pillow of a heart that takes so long to dry.

Damn, your words of healing and hope that makes me carry on.

Damn, this world so deliciously dismal, perpetually savage and unexpectedly innocent and noble.

Damn, your touch, your kiss and your addictive  lips that make me only hunger for more.

I swear this,
be like a spell.
I can’t even tell,
how you lull me in to a state of unawareness.
Your words woven so well.

THE BUM

(Before my Father passed away he was homeless for 13 years on "Skid Row" in Los Angeles. He had  dissappeared for years before we found out about his passing away. This is a tribute to him.) 

Excuse me sir but can you spare a quarter? It's been like two days since I had a drink of fresh water. I Know I ought'a, go to a shelter but they gotta, waiting list, they filled to capacity and I usually end up giving my place up to Women and they Daughters.

I know you probably, think I'm a lazy ass. I mean you gotta be, crazy as hell to wind up like me, right? I mean honestly, But I didn't choose to be, where I am, I remember I refused to be, the one asking for help, even though now I am, though people see me less than I am, I know I'm still the man I used to be.

Who would choose this? Some think I chose this? Don't make me laugh, rocking rags, smelling like last month's trash, got fools beating my ass for cash that I don't even have, getting raped or stabbed Y'all don't even know the half.

So yeah, I get drunk every night under the street light, ready to start a fight put me in a cop car tonight so I can sleep tight. 3 meals a day, clean clothes and a place to stay, some say, hell is a jail cell but being homeless is hell in the worst way.

I tried to apply for a job, but was told I'm a slob and got thrown out on the road, even if I used your quarter for some clean clothes or to wash my clothes, they'd be dirty tomorrow and I'd still be asking for a quarter to barrow, no matter how far I walk I'm always on skid row.

Sometimes I catch myself trippen', talking to myself and answering myself, and I know that my mind is slippen', forgetting faces names, family and places, damn the games, life plays when you drifting farther and farther away as your reality keeps shifting farther and farther away.

I know I shouldn't give a damn, logically, but being judged for the failure I feel I am, is messing me up psychologically. Can only talk to people in small doses, I've dealt with so many social workers I got a Ph.D. in Sociology through osmosis. There's more homeless than honest people and everybody knows this.

Hospitals don't want to see me Dude, it's like they already know, I have no HMO, PPO and no other possible way my medical bills get paid fo'. So out the door, in to the night is were they send me so, I get a free ambulance ride right back to die on skid row.

Oh, no it's all right. See It must be my fault, that Hot or cold I sleep on the asphault, developing infantago, eyes blood shot looking like a mad dog. Neglected, disrespected, avoided like a bad dog.

Do I have right to health and wealth? Can I live within in four walls with roof like everybody else? I'm willing to work and do what I can for myself or do I die in the gutter or in a dumpster like filth? 

I know some of ya'll really ain't try'n to hear me. Even though you looking at me, you can't see me clearly. You fear me, because you need to put some mental and physical distance between yourself and myself, so you ain't no were near me.

No disrespect, don't want to conject, Just inflect and project the truth, that the difference between a homeless person and you, is a paycheck.

But hey it's cool, sorry to bother you and yeah you right sooner or later you gotta do watch you gotta do. Even though I hate, the beaurocratic red tape and case managers using me for statistical data, still though, opportunities are there to take.

So I'll get in line and stay in line this time, accept any help I can get to stay clean and clear my mind cause I'm, tired of the film and the grime and dream of a hot shower to wash off the street slime. It's time, to design a positive future vision and fight for mine.

Get clean, get cleaned up, get clothes, get the job skills and get teamed up with people who are equals and who've kept up, even when it was dark and they fell, these are the people that stepped up.

Some people survive, stay a live or die by the wayside deep down ya'll know it's true, I ain't trying to be cruel, But this, you going to have to do, sooner or later you going have to figure out which one of these people are you.

I know you probably, think I'm a lazy ass. I mean you gotta be, crazy as hell to wind up like me, right? I mean honestly, But I didn't choose to be, where I am, I remember I refused to be, the one asking for help, even though now I am, though people see me less than I am, I know I'm still the man I used to be.

Excuse me sir but can you spare a quarter? It's been like two days since I had a drink of fresh water. I Know I ought'a, go to a shelter but they gotta, waiting list, they filled to capacity and I usually end up giving my place up to Women and they Daughters...

PASSION

I have waited; it seems a thousand life times to hold you in my arms. I have waited to be enveloped in your sight and loving gaze. I am reborn each time my lips find yours in moist harmony. I melt as your hands search every curve my body owns. I find bliss as I taste the salty passion from your neck.

I cry tears of euphoria and rapture as I am honored to please you and surrender myself unto you. I am grateful that your love and passion finds sanctuary within all that I willingly share with you. I have all but forgotten the past lovers, the hurt they visited on me, all that they took and the tears they wrung from my soul.

All of the them fade into the shadow of the past. You are my greatest love, my greatest hope, my king and my man. I would die for you and live for you. I would devour the very heart of hell that you may not suffer its wrath. I know that you would sacrifice a world for me. I know with our love we may find our salvation. Redemption and absolution.

Maddening pleasure, Secret treasures. Treasures that only you and I can share. The two becoming one inside of one another. Forever is but a blink of an eye and when I think of how I love you, forever is not nearly long enough. As my shape touches yours I find myself fearing your absence and yearning for the time when we unite once more. Our bodies ache in unison when we are apart and supply the kindling for the passionate fire created upon our melting into one another. Melting inside of one another.

IN THE STILLNESS OF BECOMING...

My armor weighs heavily upon me. I have always fought wars with lesser opponents but the opponent that has consistently refused to fall and match my every attempt to become something more, has always been myself. I ache to become something more than myself. My armor, my shield and my sword are no longer part of my all. They are merely things. Things I have allowed to rule me and my projected self no longer resembles who I really and truly am. If indeed, it ever did.

Now I struggle to shed the weight of my armaments. As I cast aside my many aegises, I feel as though the world dons theirs, ever willing to seize upon my vulnerabilities that I secretly held captive beneath my protective shielding.  

I am not my armor. I am not a mere sword or shield to be wielded and sheathed. I am more than the successes and failures that define this world and my perception of it. I am more than the many enemies I have felled. I am more than the knight or the knave that I have been and that I have tirelessly fought to be seen as. In the stillness of myself, I have stolen glimpses of who I really am. I am gentle. I am a Samaritan. I am a temple. I am a messenger of guidance and spirit. I grow so weary of my ego. My ego…the bane of all human existence. My existence. 

In my lifetime I have caused blood to flow. I have tasted the metallic and salty flavor of my own. In so doing, I have not been able to move a world, change a world nor heal a world. Now I see, how can one effect change, move a people let alone the self and heal by bloodletting? This is not the way. It is not my way. Not anymore.

I know what I am capable of. I have lost the desire and the need to prove my pain causing talents when the pain I cause, I feel. It overwhelms me. So, let unseen foes sharpen their weapons and lie in wait as I discard the vestments of war I so greedily clung too. 

I allow myself to become. In the stillness of my inner realm I become the phoenix. Rather than defeating my enemies, I choose to transcend them. They have no power over me. I have been shaped by hunger, poverty, loneliness, pain and sorrow and still I have managed to heal, help, protect and love along the way. I have not fallen to self-abuse, self-pity, debauchery, hate and cruelty. I have stayed true, walking the imperfect road that is my life, imperfectly. Should challenges come with the strength of a storm, I shall become a mountain. Should challenges come in the form of a mountain, I shall become the sky. 

I shed my armor and become…more than what I used to be. That I might be what I have always been. This is my new adventure and woe to those who would encumber my transformation for I am a lowly pilgrim on the winding road to light and life accompanied by a ferocious animal within me ever willing to drag myself and anyone else into the darkest pits of chaos and despair should they test my resolve to become more than what I am.

In the stillness...I become...

REQUIEM FOR THE SWORD OF DAMOCLES

Downwards has always swung the detestable sword of Damocles. Baying for my blood and soul. Such a punishing and crushing presence. How can one seek joy and life when it swings with eager hunger to grant oblivion? How can one be free when above your head dances death? I know hell. Hell is fear and dread of oblivion. Still, I struggle to free as many people I can from this hell. If I should be consigned to this realm of perpetual torment, sadness, loneliness, fear, doubt and insecurity, I will free as many of my fellow prisoners as possible. This has always been my lot. If I cannot taste freedom, I will die trying to help others claim it for themselves that my soul may live on through their happiness. This is who I am.

I have always brought light to the darkness just as I strive to bring darkness to the light. I have loved my enemies and hated friends and have been loyal in my convictions to both. I sacrificed my joy and happiness for others for as long as I can remember. Still, I do what must be done. As the sword does its eternal dance. It’s infernal and taunting dance of doom.

Now that the sword has fallen above my head, by divine providence it has missed its chance to cleave me in twain. I find my chance to flee oblivion. As if life itself beckons me to live another day. I feel shame and guilt for those that I can no longer save. Those that I can no longer protect. Those that must be left behind. How do I abandon them for my own salvation? Is it my fear of the very freedom I thought I would never have?  Or is it the cowardice my heart hides about facing the unknown? Either way the sword of Damocles has fallen and found itself wanting, woefully missing its target. What shall I do with this grace I have been gifted with?

I find myself inexplicably mourning the very sword that lusted for my end. Mourning the fear and worry that so long has been a part of my life. This sword taught me humility, endurance, struggle, pain and granted me the will to fight and survive whatever the cost. It gave me the power to sacrifice for those that I protect and love. It gave me the gift to sustain emotional, spiritual, mental and soulful injuries while healing, loving, fighting, living, surviving and teaching others to do the same. The hell I have lived through is gone and I am finally…truly free.

Now the sword that has threatened me for so long with oblivion is swallowed up by its very threat. By the very thing it was the harbinger of and I am free. My heart is heavy for those I must leave behind. But leave them behind I must to save, heal, protect, love and this time be loved by those I will meet in the future of my continuing destiny. What I see now as the days become brighter and the nights sparkle with the stars of hope and dreams, is that I am truly worthy to be loved. I am not damned or cursed by ill fate or ill fortune. It is the stigmata that marked my soul in this life that colors my life and truth.

I have always been a Queen within a King and my kingdom is inside me. It is the wellspring of power, riches joy, love, passion for life and knowledge that I have chosen to share with the world. Even if it is one soul at a time. The sword of Damocles has always been my lover and within me sired a child. That child is faith.  All that I once was, all that I once lived and all the hellfire that I ate, drank and lived through, I now give back to you Sword of Damocles, as you rest in the bowels of Oblivion. For I am free.

THE CONJURING OF CEASARS

THE SPELL OF CEASERS

(Prosperity Incantation for those that really need it ONLY! Don’t be greedy!)


(NOTE- THIS SPELL CALLS UPON THE ANCIENT EMPERORS (CEASARS) OF ROME. THIS IS A PROSPERITY SPELL, INVOKING THE DEAD EMPERORS WHO RULED MASSIVE AMOUNTS OF POWER IN IN ANCIENT TIMES.HOWEVER, WE MUST NOT FORGET,MANY OF THEM WERE BRUTAL,CRUEL, SADISTIC,MASOCHISTIC, DERANGED AND WERE AS A RESULT,BETRAYED, ASSASSINATED, EXECUTED, MURDERED BY FAMILY, FRIENDS, AND TRUSTED  CONFIDANTS. I HAVE LISTED, IN ORDER OF SUCSSESSION, ONLY THOSE ANCESTOR EMPERORS WHO DIED OF OLD AGE AND NATURAL CAUSES. JUST A PRECAUTIONARY MEASURE I BUILT IN TO EVADE ANY KARMIC ECHO ENERGY OR GRECO-ROMAN, PSYCHO, CALIGULLA-ESQUE ENERGY. )  

THINGS YOU'LL NEED:

YOU NEED A YELLOW CATHOLIC CANDLE AND A RED CATHOLIC CANDLE TO LIGHT AFTER THE SPELL. YOU SHOULD ALLOW THE CANDLES TO BURN WITHOUT INTERRUPTION UNTIL THEY ARE COMPLETELY FINISHED. (Leave them in the sink if you have to leave them unattended as a safety precaution and make sure they are away from curtains or anything flammable obviously!)

INVOCATION:

Te invocare antiquus Invictus mairores et espiritus de Aurum denarius. Te invocare potestas de aurum denarius. Te invocare sacer custodia et benedictionalis de aurum denarius Quis est tuus ad dare. Audire me et Venire foras. Venire foras cum tuus potestas supra aurum et denarius intro mea vita, mea Domesticus familiaris et mea familiaris pro omnis aeternitas.

Te conjurare…

TRANSLATION: 

I INVOKE THEE, ANCIENT UNCONQUERED ANCESTOR AND SPIRITS OF GOLD AND WEALTH.I INVOKE THY POWER OF GOLD AND WEALTH! I INVOKE YOUR SACRED PROTECTION AND BLESSINGS OF GOLD AND WEALTH WHICH ARE YOURS TO GIVE! HERE ME AND COME FOURTH! COME FORTH WITH YOUR POWER OVER GOLD AND WEALTH INSIDE MY LIFE, MY HOME AND MY FOR ALL ETERNITY!

I CONJURE THEE…

INVOCATION:

Te conjurare antiquus Invictus mairores et espiritus de aurum denarius, vita de aurum denarius, voluntas de aurum denarius, corpus de aurum denarius, praesentia de aurum de denarius, animus de aurum denarius et magnus prosperitas venire foras intro mundus modernus mihi venire ad me. Bendicere me cum tuus omnis praesentia. Defendere me contra paupertas, protegere me contra destitution, vincere solitude mihi cum armor et vis salus.

Te conjurare…

TRANSLATION: 

I CONJURE THEE ANCIENT UNCONQURED ANCESTORS AND SPIRITS OF GOLD AND WEALTH, LIFE OF GOLD AND WEALTH, WILL OF GOLD AND WEALTH, BODY OF GOLD AND WEALTH,PRESENCE OF GOLD AND WEALTH,SOUL OF GOLD AND WEALTH AND GREAT PROSPERITY COME FORTH INSIDE MY MODERN WORLD TO ME! BLESS ME WITH YOUR OMNI-PRESENCE! DEFEND ME AGAINST POVERTY, PROTECT ME AGAINST DESTITUTION, DEFEAT MY SOLITUDE WITH LOVE AND STRONG HEALTH!

I CONJURE THEE…

INVOCATION:

Permittere me tuus generosus caritat et dare me magnus prosperitas ad partio cum familiaris mihi et omnis quis cognocis me intro est mundus modernus. Permittere Postestas et prosperitas ad dare auxilium ad omnis quis requirere assistentia.

Te conjurare antquus invictus imperatorae de Imperium Romanum! Audire me cum tuus potestas supra prosperitas, cum tuus caritat et voluntas dare me tus auxillium contra paupertas et destitution intro mea vita!

Te conjurare…

TRANSLATION: 

PERMIT ME YOUR GENEROUS CHARITY AND GIVE ME GREAT PROSPERTY TO SHARE WITH MY FAMILY AND ALL WHO KNOW ME IN THIS MODERN WORLD. PERMIT ME POWER AND PROSPERITY TO GIVE HELP TO ALL WHO REQUIRE ASSISTANCE!

I CONJRE THEE ANCIENT UNCONQUERED EMPERORS OF THE ROMAN EMPIRE! HEAR ME WITH YOUR POWER OVER PROSPERITY WITH YOUR CHARITY AND WILL, GIVE ME YOUR HELP AGAINST POVERTY AND DESTITUTION IN MY LIFE!

I CONJURE THEE...

LILITH (The Sinner?)

Lilith (The sinner?)

Forgive me father for I have sinned.  I am seduced by the smell of sex and broken dreams. I ache for the touch of a man that is outwardly handsome but emotionally bankrupt. I do not desire his love but to feel his writhing and his grinding deeply into me while I make him scream and explode with a passion that leaves him shivering. Repeating Gods name in vain over and over again making me smile as he releases convulsively, shuddering in waves as he blasphemes.

I allow myself to burn in the fires of lust as I release the inhibited through liquor and hellspeak. Whispering ageless words that incite excite and have lovers dripping in tears, sex and forbidden ecstasies, glowing bright as stars do in the darkest abyss of night.

Try as I might, I cannot help but to feed and drink the longing, the fear of loneliness and the regrets of missed opportunities of futures past.  Joy, fidelity and love are but moments in terms of eternity and infinity  and all seem to forget, it is our lot  or our blessing, to make those moments last.

Should they not be able to see or grasp the finer essence of this mystery, I will call forth lust most undeniable, bringing unto all who twist with me, both incredible bliss with incredible misery. The duality of good and evil in this, our modern world is infantile and based on pure illusory.

Forgive me father for I have sinned. It was man who damned me not God on high. It was man that sought to subjugate me all the while yearning to plunder the treasures that lie beneath the curves of my torso and thighs. So as man at times use sex to express their contempt and hate, I use this weapon to damn their souls, to feed and to dominate.

So, It would seem, that I am damned to be the demoness encouraging weak and hate filled men to blaspheme, against GOD, against themselves and against all that they hold dear and true, though their very nature and soul has proven to be corrupt and unclean.

Yet, I am the villain? I am the whore? I must be the reason they come begging for more. I’m the sinner? Stones surely, casted upon me because I must be the only one. None after me mentioned or seen and certainly none before.

Forgive me father for I have sinned.  I am seduced by the smell of sex and broken dreams. I ache for the touch of a man that is outwardly handsome but emotionally bankrupt. I do not desire his love but to feel his writhing and his grinding deeply into me while I make him scream and explode with a passion that leaves him shivering. Repeating Gods name in vain over and over again making me smile as he releases convulsively, shuddering in waves as he blasphemes.

I allow myself to burn in the fires of lust as I release the inhibited through liquor and hellspeak. Whispering ageless words that incite, excite and have lovers dripping in tears, sex and forbidden ecstasies.

Glowing bright as stars do in the darkest abyss of night.