AMORPHOBIA (THE FEAR OF LOVE.)

Some ache for love. So much so, they become someone else, creating a variant personality. A personality, completely distinct from who they truly are. To fit in, to be accepted, to not stand out or to appeal to their hearts desire. All for love. Or, for what they confuse for love. It's painful and exhausting to be someone you are not. It slowly begins to feel like you're suffocating because the character you chose to play, is preventing the real person you truly are, from breathing. The person you become tends to strangle  the real person, you are inside. As the person you truly are slowly, painfully dies inside, the pain is much like when your heart breaks. You look at the person you thought you loved but you will now be disgusted. Disgusted because the person you became for them, wasn't in love with them at all. The person who loved them was the person you used to be. The real you. The person inside. The person you killed by lying to yourself and lying to the person you thought you loved and even though you have them, they will never be enough for you, you will never be enough for them and your dream come true will forever be a nightmare because you never accepted your true self. So how could anyone else?

Others still...

Are so afraid of love that they settle for the most banal and pedestrian of relationships. They do this not because they enjoy abuse, humiliation or the cold reality of the lack of reciprocity. They entertain these types of lack luster and passionless love relationships out of the subconcious fear of abandonment and loss. They ponder in the deepest, darkest halls of their heart, what if they stood their ground and fought for the love they dare not claim? What if they come to know a bliss so profound and so utterly soul-touching, that they are changed completely as if GOD himself revealed his presence and his glory proving to be more astounding, than any book written in his name professed him to be? What then, if this life altering love then faltered? What if it was taken? What if it was lost? What if it fails? What if...? In the knowing and managing of pain, life can at least be endured but to know truest love and have it ripped from your arms, your heart, your very soul? How do you survive that? Could you survive that? The Angels torn from heaven and denied the bliss of light, love and glory became demons, thus surely, to know heaven and have it taken away is tantamount to being sent to hell. So, they continue on their crooked little path to which they've resigned themselves. Settling for mediocre love, sour kisses and make their beds of convenience, hidden tears and secret longings, never shared or realized, resenting what they have consigned themselves to. A hell of their own cowardly design.

Picture of the Invocation symbol (Veve) of ERZULIE DANTOR. The Caribbean / Haitian / African / Voodoo Goddess Spirit of Love in her more angry and violent manifestion.