Newest Poem "My pride gets in the way."

I'm used to walking alone at night. So used to being ready just in case I have to fight. Life is war so I'm always ready for more. I'm more used to closed than opened doors. Sometimes I feel like spiritual and physical battles was all I was made for.

I'm used to saying goodbye more than hello. I used to chuckle at my bloody knuckles but now that I'm older, I've become more mellow.

I had something to proove. That the Drag Queen and effeminate man that I am could be stronger than you. I tried so hard that finally, I was getting down like you.

I can't have hate in my heart and expect to love and be loved. You can have the money and the power, I want the love that both you and I, secretly dream of.

In my heart of hearts I've grown weary of battle. Setting fire to shadows. Dreaming of being seen by a truest love by the light of my candles.

I've got abandonment issues. I know, right? Who doesn't. "Here's a tissue." I tend to ache for what I haven't known yet so, I rather walk away from someone than survive them leaving. What I'm trying to say is that even before I met you, I prepared myself to miss you.

Because my pride gets in the way.

The problem with being everything to all people is you forget who you are. I'd rather be the fragrant bouquet that's adored than the lofty unattainable star. Just don't hurt me. No matter who you are.

It's not that I'm afraid of pain. I've grown accustomed to deal with it. Everyday I'm feeling it. It's a silent, constant war I wage subduing the lonliness that it seems, I'm always quietly dealing with.

People leave. So I leave them. People say they love me but in my heart I don't believe them. Love is forever. I'm forever. Most people aren't. So, I tend to keep people at bay because when I love them, I need them. People leave so I leave them.

So, don't get to close to me. My dumb ass might fall in love with you. I might shine a little brighter when I see you. Heal you, feel you and ache to do what lovers do, with you. All of these things I desperate want to say to you.

But my pride gets in the way.